The last two posts make me sad because sad friends make me sad but I just wanted to share how un-sad I am, because today almost every single one of my best friends from high school is going to be in one room and nothing makes me happier, as evidenced by giant run-on sentences, than seeing my friends.
AAH!
I haven't seen most of these people since the summer and I haven't seen Craig since the end of June, but he's home now, and Sterling's hosting and Joss and my friend Lauren are going to be there, and I've been looking forward to this for weeks and now it's happening.
This feels like Thanksgiving to me. I'm going to see my family, and that's why I'm here telling the rest of my family how happy I am.
You guys mean the world to me, and when I call you my family I mean it. I miss you.
Happy holidays,
MP
11/26/10
11/25/10
^_^ Thanksgiving is a time for family and food. But why?
For the past few weeks leading up to the holiday season I have been actively listening as my friends babble about how excited they are to see their respective families, eat pie, and in general be happy. When I was younger, MIUCH younger I think I got excited for holidays, but now I feel empty. I love my cousins, I love my Aunts and Uncles and my mother, but I can't help but feel utterly empty and devoid of actual joy. Sure I can fake it with the best of them, but I don't even have the energy to do that! I tried to psych myself up yesterday so I could be properly cheerful today, but when I got out of the shower at 10:40am and finished getting dressed... I couldn't. I've spent most of today reading A prayer for Owen Meany, which though a lovely and depressing book, is not improving my holiday spirit. I think we celebrate Holidays to make our poor pathetic existence as humans more worthwhile. At the same time, this may just be another example of my anti-social pessimistic tendencies. So Happy THanksgiving everyone. Please don't let me rain on your parade.
11/13/10
* - this is why i hate white people...so why am I alone? (deep question time)
Ok, serious talk now.
I'm not bad looking am I? For those of you that know me and have met me in person, am I ugly per se? I don't believe I am. Is it my personality then? Could that be what drives the female of my species to completely and totally ignore the fact that I even exist? If not, then what? I have pondered this question for months now. My musing have filled up 2 dry-erase boards, 1 small marble notebook and 3 sheets of notes saved on a small flash drive. Now I know to you all this may seem strange, maybe obsessive over the topic, but hear me out. For most of my 18 years of existence on this little mudball we call planet earth I have felt alone. Even when surrounded by family and friends I feel this wound inside me. Almost as if there is something missing. Now let me tell you, this feeling...is not a good one. It's horrible, disgusting, vile, and haunting. So there is my reason for this "research." Now where was I? Ah yes, so there lie my musings. So now dearest NLC, I sit before this computer awaiting some answers. No, Im not throwing myself a pity party, no this isnt a joke, and no I'm not ok. I am simply looking for answers among some of the most astute minds it has ever been my pleasure to probe, and among my dear friends. And now I take my leave. This post will not have the usual Obama blame session, because for once I do not feel that this is in any way his fault.
-Yours Always-
Martin Joseph Headley
Alias: s0m3blackguy
I'm not bad looking am I? For those of you that know me and have met me in person, am I ugly per se? I don't believe I am. Is it my personality then? Could that be what drives the female of my species to completely and totally ignore the fact that I even exist? If not, then what? I have pondered this question for months now. My musing have filled up 2 dry-erase boards, 1 small marble notebook and 3 sheets of notes saved on a small flash drive. Now I know to you all this may seem strange, maybe obsessive over the topic, but hear me out. For most of my 18 years of existence on this little mudball we call planet earth I have felt alone. Even when surrounded by family and friends I feel this wound inside me. Almost as if there is something missing. Now let me tell you, this feeling...is not a good one. It's horrible, disgusting, vile, and haunting. So there is my reason for this "research." Now where was I? Ah yes, so there lie my musings. So now dearest NLC, I sit before this computer awaiting some answers. No, Im not throwing myself a pity party, no this isnt a joke, and no I'm not ok. I am simply looking for answers among some of the most astute minds it has ever been my pleasure to probe, and among my dear friends. And now I take my leave. This post will not have the usual Obama blame session, because for once I do not feel that this is in any way his fault.
-Yours Always-
Martin Joseph Headley
Alias: s0m3blackguy
11/12/10
^_^ OH MY GOSH TRAINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So... I am currently taking the train to Boston to visit Lauren at Harvard. And... I NEVER REALIZED HOW MUCH FUN TRAINS WERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean... it is kinda boring. You sit. And there is nothing but wi-fi and the occasional, but rare conversation with the person you are sitting next to, to entertain you. But its really kinda awesome. Its dark out right now, so I can't really see your the window, but what I can see looks interesting. You are going just fast enough to laugh at any cars you see, but slow enough to see everything in detail (commuter rail = slow). Now I could just continue blabbing on and on about how awesome this train is, but I feel like that is going to get rather repetitive soon, since there really isn't anything I can pin my excitement to...
actually... I think I love this train so much because its allowing me to escape Durham. The lovely prison cell where I have been happily confined since August. However, it was a prison cell, and even though it was happy confinement, I'm really really really excited to get out of New Hampshire.
Speaking of getting out of New Hampshire, I have been borrowing trouble in the EXTREME, and started looking at Grad schools... I've been spending a lot of time looking at the standard schools. Manhattan School, Mannes, Boston Conservatory, New England Conservatory, Boston University, Catholic University... but, I have also been looking at NYU, who though they are known for their Music Performance, Comp, and Conducting like the rest, they have a new major. Music Psychotherapy. I find it intriguing!!!! yeah... I know Freshman in college should not be putting this much time and effort into grad school... one thing at a time.
Speaking of borrowing trouble... things with the new boy are going very well... =) I could write a vomit-inducing paragraph about him being funny and sweet... but if you really want to know in less romantic language why we have clicked so... He gets me. He accepts me. And he doesn't let me take myself too seriously. We both are food snobs. And music snobs. So I guess we'll just go off into a corner and be snobby together, =P.
later-
actually... I think I love this train so much because its allowing me to escape Durham. The lovely prison cell where I have been happily confined since August. However, it was a prison cell, and even though it was happy confinement, I'm really really really excited to get out of New Hampshire.
Speaking of getting out of New Hampshire, I have been borrowing trouble in the EXTREME, and started looking at Grad schools... I've been spending a lot of time looking at the standard schools. Manhattan School, Mannes, Boston Conservatory, New England Conservatory, Boston University, Catholic University... but, I have also been looking at NYU, who though they are known for their Music Performance, Comp, and Conducting like the rest, they have a new major. Music Psychotherapy. I find it intriguing!!!! yeah... I know Freshman in college should not be putting this much time and effort into grad school... one thing at a time.
Speaking of borrowing trouble... things with the new boy are going very well... =) I could write a vomit-inducing paragraph about him being funny and sweet... but if you really want to know in less romantic language why we have clicked so... He gets me. He accepts me. And he doesn't let me take myself too seriously. We both are food snobs. And music snobs. So I guess we'll just go off into a corner and be snobby together, =P.
later-
11/10/10
* - this is why i hate white people....and why i love concerts
A DAY TO REMEMBER!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YES!!!! JUST FUCK YESSSFUCKTOTHEYESS!!!
-self explainitory(<----did i spell that right? ahh who gives a shit)-
s0m3blackguy
P.S: I know I haven't posted anything in a while so to make up for lost time: everything in the world that went wrong in the time between my last post and this one is/was/has/and always will be obama's fault. that is all.
-self explainitory(<----did i spell that right? ahh who gives a shit)-
s0m3blackguy
P.S: I know I haven't posted anything in a while so to make up for lost time: everything in the world that went wrong in the time between my last post and this one is/was/has/and always will be obama's fault. that is all.
11/8/10
! Stories
Every time I get asked how much writing experience I have I always say none. Only later it comes back to me that I wrote a ton of short stories for you guys. Without even realizing it, I've really started to miss that. Just look. I started blogging way more once the NLC went down. I started SAe for poetry and stuff. So I was going to tell you how I wrote my first serious short story and how great I felt about it, but then I remembered that I don't feel so good because I've never done it before. I feel accomplished because I'm getting back to what I've always done.
Thank you for that.
MP
(PS: If you're interested, I posted it on SVe and facebook. Don't be afraid to tell me what works and what doesn't. Also, you guys are made of awesome.)
Thank you for that.
MP
(PS: If you're interested, I posted it on SVe and facebook. Don't be afraid to tell me what works and what doesn't. Also, you guys are made of awesome.)
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